Postpartum peace: 5 bite sized habits that keep big feelings in check

Spoiler alert:The baby isn’t the only one crying at 3 a.m. It’s you. You’re also the baby. You can be head over heels in love with the little one and still want to fake your own disappearance for 20 minutes of silence and chill.

You’re in love. You’re in shock. You’re in sweats from three days ago. And in the middle of all that, you’re still trying to be calm, present, and maybe even a little okay, the world outside, and maybe even inside your home!

From one postpartum mum to another, you don’t need a full-blown routine or a vision board. Just a few bite-sized habits that keep you tethered to you, even while everyone else needs a piece of you.

Congratulations, it’s a baby… and a whole new identity!

Postpartum is the soft rewiring, the emotional shedding of who you were, and the slow, sacred emergence of who you’re becoming.

You don’t just birth a baby.

You birth a micromanager. A 24X7 crisis manager. A full-time provider. An unpaid intern to a boss who can’t talk, but has very strong opinions. And most mysteriously of all, you birth a new you.

It’s divine as the world tells, but extremely disorienting. What most moms and families fail to see, but realise in retrospect is that it’s a gory hormonal art project, very abstract and far away from clear understanding.

No! You’re not imagining it. This transformation is real.

Your body’s doing A LOT, without asking first

Let’s break it down because your body’s not just recovering, it’s being chemically overthrown. If everything is going the usual way inside, all this typically happens inside a mother who just popped:

• Estrogen & progesterone? Crash and burn.

• Oxytocin? Sky-rockets. You’re bonding with a cuddle pod… and crying over everything.

• Prolactin? Full throttle. You’re a milk vending machine with legs!

• Your brain? Rewiring, hyper-alert, overtired, overstimulated.

Thankfully, there is a lot of acknowledgment and validation across the web, by specialists, acknowledging the drastic changes that occur when your little bundle of joy makes their way out of you. This isn’t you being moody

or baby blues. This is your brain on motherhood.

IBU’s Mental Wellness Support Group Lead, Snigdha Gupta Mehta(MA, Counselling Psychology),

shares valuable insight into the science behind the emotional shifts of motherhood:

“Pregnancy triggers powerful neural plasticity which means the brain actively changes and rewires itself in response to new experiences. During this time, hormonal and structural shifts reshape the mother’s brain to improve bonding and caregiving. After birth, this plasticity continues through everyday interactions. Every touch, smile, and cry from the baby further strengthens emotional and cognitive regions. These changes deepen attachment, but they can also make mothers more sensitive to mood shifts and emotional ups and downs”.

Postpartum is a hormonal whiplash with a side of sleep deprivation and pretending it’s all “just part of the journey” helps no one.

Overwhelm doesn’t shout. It whispers

Postpartum overload doesn’t always look dramatic. Often, it looks like:

• Crying because someone asked, “How are you?”

• Snapping at your partner, then feeling guilty for hours.

• Not knowing if you’re tired, sad, overstimulated or all of the above.

It’s not burnout from all day. It’s depletion to the max and most of us don’t even understand it. The good news? With growing awareness, many partners are stepping up, showing more care, more presence, more patience. And that matters. But there’s also a lot we can do for ourselves in the in-between moments, small things that don’t require childcare, a planner, or a miracle.

Just simple habits to help us feel a little more human… and a lot more sane.

5 Tiny habits that save your sanity (No yoga mat required)

Motherhood doesn’t leave much time for elaborate routines. But these bite-sized self-care habits can help balance the chaos:

1. Step out, breathe in

Just 15 minutes outside, even a coffee date with yourself can reboot your brain and your mood. Sometimes you don’t need a spa day, you just need silence and caffeine.

Watering your plants, taking a quick walk, or doing the school pick-up can feel strangely luxurious. Little escapes count, even if they’re just a latte and fresh air between diaper changes.

2. Phone a (judgement-free) friend

Send a voice note if a call feels too much. Connection beats isolation, even in 3-minute voice memos. Another important tip, is to not talk babies. Talk about work, mumble about your husband or even indulge in harmless gossip. Break the monotony of being a full-time carer.

3. Trust those selected few, it goes a long way!

Let someone you trust-grandma, grandpa, your bestie, your helper, hold the baby while you do absolutely nothing productive. Guilt-free.

Want to go for a dinner alone or have a quick coffee date with your husband? Or a famous concert in town? Plan it and make use of some exclusively you time.

Yes, handing over the reins can feel hard. You’re used to doing it all, and maybe you even believe you should. But the truth is, loosening your grip on control, even just a little, creates space to breathe. And sometimes, that tiny release is what keeps you from unraveling.

Looking for a like-minded community who gets it?

Explore IBU’s community at 🔗 www.ibufamily.org

Connect with other mums who actually get it, over a coffee meet and find support that feels like a deep exhale with IBU’s support groups.

4. Feeding time = Me time

Feeding a baby, nursing, pumping, or bottle means you’re parked in one spot for a while. Sometimes it’s lovely, soft cuddles, sleepy eyes, a little oxytocin buzz. Other times, you’re pinned down with one free hand and good amount of monotony.

You can love the closeness, yet wish to add more action to the setup, every once in a while.

Set-up some cosy time, a drink, snack, charger, maybe a show you won’t mind watching in five-minute chunks. Scroll, read, listen to something, whatever helps you feel like you again.

It’s multitasking, but for a break. Just enough to bring you back to yourself.

And if all you do is sit and breathe in that baby smell, and that helps you deflect, that’s wonderful too.

5. One non-baby goal a month

Give yourself one goal, just for you. It doesn’t have to be big, and it definitely doesn’t have to be fast. Set a timeline that fits (a week, a month, whatever feels doable), and pick something that reconnects you with the parts of yourself that aren’t covered in muslin cloth.

Maybe it’s finishing a 1000-piece puzzle, losing 3 pounds, pitching an idea at work, or having a friend over for a simple meal. Whatever it is, make sure it’s yours, not the baby’s, not the family’s, only yours.

And once you do it? Take a second to write down how it made you feel, not in flowery words, just the real stuff. It’s a reminder that you’re still in there, and you’re still growing, too.

Yes, the baby needs you. But you need you too.

Think of it like this, even airlines know the drill. Secure your own oxygen mask first, then assist your tiny, screaming seatmate. Why? Because trying to save someone while gasping for air never ends well, in planes or in postpartum.

Hide in the bathroom for five minutes if you must. Refilling your own tank isn’t selfish, it’s strategic.

On World Mental Health Day, let’s say it out loud:

You can love your baby and want everyone to stop touching you for 10 minutes.

You can feel #blessed and still fantasise about checking into a hotel, all alone.

You’re overstimulated, under-rested, yet acing it all!

Need More Than a Pep Talk?

If you’re feeling low, foggy, or not like yourself, you’re not alone. 1 in 7 women experience postnatal mental health struggles. And yet, so many suffer in silence.

Talk to someone who gets it.

Visit www.ibufamily.org for support groups, and community events.

A final word (Or three)

Motherhood isn’t a job you clock in and out of, it’s a full-body, full-brain, full-schedule experience. Some days will feel golden. Others will feel grey. That’s okay.

You don’t need to do it all. Just keep showing up, slightly tired, mildly confused, and doing your best anyway. Because peace doesn’t come from having it all together. It comes from knowing you probably won’t, and showing up anyway.