Men, Moustaches, And The Mysterious Art Of Not Talking
- Snigdha Gupta
- Nov 10
- 6 min read
Updated: 13 minutes ago
Movember: I’ll be honest, I never really knew much about this movement until I stepped into the world of mental health. And for those of you who were just like me before my mental health era, here’s what it’s all about.
Movember, is that time of the year when men let their moustaches do the talking, and for a good reason. It is a symbol of solidarity and awareness, with an exclusive focus on Men’s mental health. Every November, this global movement shines a light on men’s health issues like prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health, suicide prevention, etc. The idea is simple but powerful- start the month clean-shaven, grow a ‘Mo’ (moustache), and get men talking about topics they often prefer staying silent about.
I don’t think I was ever anti-men, but I was definitely more pro-women. My focus was always on women’s and children’s mental health. That changed one day when my intern, a young man, asked me, “Why don’t you write about men’s mental health?” I told him men weren’t really my target audience, but his words and enthusiasm towards the suggestion stuck with me.
So this November, I decided to do something about it and raise some awareness on the topic.
I created a short and simple questionnaire, intentionally easy so that men would actually fill it out. It was a simple one with just a few basic questions about mental health. With the help of my husband and a few friends who kindly shared it across various groups (reaching around 800 participants), I received 33 responses.
Honestly, I was expecting around 14, so I was thrilled with that number.
That was until one of my friends pointed out, “Maybe you should look at it as 33 out of 800, perhaps men don’t really care about mental health.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that - is it that they don’t care, or that awareness around this topic is still very low? Either way, it was an eye-opener and definitely something worth talking about.
Now, I know many of you are probably curious about what did the men actually say? And maybe you’ve asked yourself questions like, “Why doesn’t my husband talk enough?” or “Does he even feel anything?”.
Well, here’s your answer, straight from the men themselves. These are some of the most honest, eye-opening statements they shared in the form.
1. Men don’t want advice -They want understanding
For many, the biggest barrier to opening up is the fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed. They don’t want to be seen as “too emotional” or “weak.” Some even preferred talking anonymously online, where they could express their feelings without worrying about being judged.
It’s not that men don’t feel deeply, they just process differently. While women find it easier to release emotions through a conversation, men tend to internalise until they find the right space or person to open up to. When that space feels unsafe or dismissive, they retreat further into silence.
Interestingly, a few mentioned that they’ve tried talking to AI chatbots because it feels judgment-free. Ultimately, AI responses often felt repetitive or mechanical, often a short fix.
2. It’s not about talking more - It’s about talking better
One of the strongest insights from the responses was that men don’t necessarily want to talk more, they want to talk meaningfully.
As one put it, “It’s not about loud statements of mental health awareness. It’s about being able to have a real conversation that goes somewhere.”
Many said they don’t open up because they’ve had experiences where people either overreacted or didn’t know how to respond. For example, a few shared that when they tried to talk about their struggles, they were told things like, “You’ll be fine,” or “You just need to toughen up.” Those phrases, while well-intentioned, made them feel dismissed rather than supported.
What they want is quality over quantity. A listener who genuinely engages rather than someone checking a box. A conversation that feels real, not performative.
They also said they open up more easily to someone who has lived through something similar. Peer empathy, talking to another man who “gets it” helps dissolve the shame and hesitation.
But perhaps the most telling insight was this- silence often feels safer. For some men, it’s not that they don’t want to talk, it’s that it’s less painful to manage emotions internally than risk being misunderstood repeatedly.
Bestselling author and leadership expert Simon Sinek explores why the way we talk about mental health matters. This Movember, as we raise awareness for men’s mental and physical well-being, his perspective reminds us to go beyond labels, fostering connection, openness, and real conversations. Watch this very interesting conversation here:
3. Relationships- The emotional safe zones
When asked who they usually turn to, most men mentioned their partners, but only if the relationship feels safe, trusting, and free of judgment. A healthy partnership, they said, can be one of the most healing spaces for men.
One participant wrote, “If my relationship is strong, that’s the only place I can truly talk.” Another shared that having a good mentor or close friend helps him stay grounded.
But several also said something that hit hard - “Close friends don’t really exist anymore.” Despite being surrounded by people, many men said they often feel emotionally isolated. They can talk about work, sports, or politics, but not what’s really going on inside.
A few men wished women were more aware of the invisible load they carry, the pressure to provide, perform, and stay strong.
They don’t necessarily want solutions or sympathy, just understanding. When women approach these conversations with curiosity and compassion rather than criticism or assumptions, it helps men open up. The takeaway? The quality of the relationship determines whether a man feels emotionally safe.
A supportive partner or friend doesn’t have to fix everything, just hold space.
4. Society needs to let men feel
We’ve conditioned men to be “the strong one,” “the provider,” “the problem solver.” And the cost of that conditioning is silence.
Many men said they wish it was more normal for men to cry, talk about stress, or admit they’re struggling without being labelled weak. They feel society encourages women to express emotion but expects men to suppress it.
One man wrote, “We keep being told to talk more, but when we do, people get uncomfortable.”
That contradiction is real, and it’s something both men and women need to address.
5. The Quiet Struggles
Even as awareness grows, many men still carry silent battles no one sees. They spoke of the constant financial pressure to “provide,” the loneliness that comes from always being “the strong one,” and the exhaustion of keeping it all together.
One said, “We adapt quickly, but we restructure our lives around pain.”
That quiet resilience sounds noble, but it’s also deeply lonely.
Some mentioned they struggle with appreciation, feeling that their efforts often go unnoticed, especially in family roles. Others admitted they cope through distraction of alcohol, work, travel, socialising, without realising these are emotional escape routes.
While women often experience recognised transitions like postpartum depression or burnout, men too go through major mental shifts, especially after becoming fathers. It’s just rarely acknowledged or discussed.
What can help?
When asked what would make it easier to open up, men’s answers were refreshingly clear:
Non-judgmental listeners
Empathy over advice
Deep, meaningful conversations (not frequent, shallow ones)
Supportive partners and mentors
Gender empathy, understanding both perspectives
Space and time to express freely
Privacy and anonymity
Casual, pressure-free conversations
A culture that shares accountability, not just expectations
And one more powerful one: “Seeing other men do it.” When men witness vulnerability in others, it becomes easier to believe it’s normal, that it’s okay to feel.
The way forward
The good news is that things are changing. Younger men are slowly breaking the “strong, silent” stereotype. They’re learning that real strength doesn’t mean hiding your emotions, it means being brave enough to express them.
As one respondent said, “The next generation will change this. But for now, it’s still hard for men to be seen as vulnerable.”
So maybe the change starts with us, in our homes, our relationships, and our everyday conversations. When we listen without judging, when we stop expecting men to have it all figured out, and when we create safe emotional spaces, we invite healing.
Because when men are emotionally supported, they become better partners, fathers, and friends. And when we all start listening, really listening, everyone’s mental health gets better.
Now, before you go
if you’ve ever felt like parenting with your partner is turning into a bit of a tug-of-war (you say yes, they say no 🙃), then this one’s for you. Join me for an upcoming Team Parenting Workshop: “When You & Your Partner Don’t Agree” hosted by IBU family.
It’s all about moving from me vs. you to us together.
We’ll explore how to communicate better, find common ground, and work as one team with shared goals, because parenting gets so much easier when you’re on the same side.
And honestly, I’m so happy to see some couples attending together this time, that’s where teamwork begins.
Snigdha Gupta is the mum of an almost-tween. She loves book-hunting with her daughter on weekends, going for intense runs while listening to dance music on weekdays, and doing yoga on the balcony with her golden retriever.
Nicely written