Are We Fast-Forwarding Childhood?

Has childhood become a race?

Last week at school pickup, I overheard two moms comparing their children’s schedules. One had just added coding on top of violin and tennis, while the other was considering whether to squeeze in Singapore math on Saturdays.

I imagined their planners probably look like corporate calendars; colour-coded, tightly packed, never a dull moment. No shade to parents who do this, of course. We’re all just trying to give our kids the best we can, in whatever way feels right.

Had my daughter not walked out just then and waved enthusiastically at me, the “kaypo” in me would have happily stayed and listened to their conversations a little longer. 

Then, on the way home, a tiny lightbulb flickered on… What did my daughter do after school yesterday? She spent the afternoon at home building a castle out of magnetic tiles, drew and cut out paper dolls, swept the balcony floor (more like messing it up), practised a song on the piano, and bugged me a million times to play Nintendo with her before we finally took a nap together.

Suddenly, the two moms’ conversations echoed in my head. Am I doing enough? Should I be signing her up for tuition or MORE enrichment classes? If I don’t, am I somehow shortchanging her? Is she simply wasting her time at home?

Building worlds, one snip at a time

To be honest, it’s hard to ignore the pressure, especially when almost all the parents I know are getting their kids into various enrichment classes at an increasingly young age.

Playgroup at 2, gymnastics at 3, phonics at 4, swimming at 5, robotics at 6… And when we don’t keep up with the trend, that guilt and doubt creep in quietly.

What if my child falls behind? What if she doesn’t get an early advantage in life? Are we on the right track?

I get it. No parent wants their child to “miss out”. We often hear stories of other kids mastering skills earlier, developing different talents, stacking up certs and all, looking very much like future prodigies.

We then tell ourselves these classes are a necessity, and they are essentials to having a fantastic future. Seeing other parents do it makes us question our own pace, effort, and also parenting commitments.

Unconsciously, we all live vicariously through our kids. Their small wins light us up and somewhere in that glow, we quietly measure our own success as parents too.

In this fast-paced world, the pressure to optimise every single minute of our kids’ free time is immense. There’s a subtle yet persistent feeling that every day must be filled with a plethora of enriching activities.

Some families take a whirlwind of holiday trips to see the world; some organize playdates; some buy mountains of workbooks, and others tirelessly search for more classes.

Our social media feeds are often filled with friends showcasing their children happily engaged in activities and new experiences.

Those beautifully taken pictures and videos create in us an impression and urgency that such is the benchmark of the perfect childhood to pursue and thus, shape our approach to parenting.

From after-school care and sports to private tutoring and creative workshops, modern parenthood can feel super overwhelming, especially to the newbies.

Even quality time is carefully planned, rather than organically found. And that to me is the heartbreaking trade-off I often observe -

Children who are so rigorously scheduled lack unstructured playtime essential for healthy growth and development. Eventually, the natural sparkle in their curiosity starts to dim and the intrinsic joy of discovery gradually becomes another task to check off the list. 

As a leading voice in development psychology, Peter Gray notes in his work on free play, “When children are allowed to play freely, they learn about the world on their own terms, developing self-reliance and problem-solving skills that can’t be taught through structured lessons.”

With this powerful reminder, it’s worth asking ourselves:

1. Do we include unstructured playtime in our children’s daily schedule?

2. Are we, perhaps, becoming too mechanical, constantly pushing them for the next academic triumph or skill level-up without considering the impact these decisions have on them?

3. Have we been too busy preparing them for life that we accidentally expedited their childhood?

Unfiltered, unscripted, unstoppable

Classes can be phased but childhood can’t wait

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not dismissing the value of exposure or skill enhancement classes. In fact, many children thrive in structured learning environments and these classes can be a wonderful fit for them.

I think it raises a concern when “enrichment” and “tuition” becomes a reflex rather than a thoughtful response to a child’s readiness or genuine interest.

When that happens, we risk instilling a “kiasu” mindset in our children that they must learn EVERYTHING to stay ahead of everyone else. 

Instead of surveying around and chasing new opportunities to explore more workshops and activities, perhaps our greatest act of enrichment is simply being present in their childhood and protecting their time for unstructured play.

This doesn’t demand any grand gestures or carefully planned budgets. It’s about slotting in time daily to play with building blocks, to cuddle, to check out the tiny patterns on leaves collected from the park, time to cook together, or a time to reflect on the day’s small wonders before bedtime.

These aren’t just minutes filled but moments truly lived that can be turned into teachable moments no syllabus can ever replicate.

They build the bedrock of a happy childhood, the kind that anchors one through life’s storms and offers comfort and healing long into adulthood!

So, when that million-dollar question (Am I doing enough?) tiptoes into my head again and makes me feel all anxious, here's what I keep reminding myself: It’s okay, every family has their own unique plan, and everybody’s childhood is different. The spontaneous hugs, the precious read-to-me moments, the loud giggles over a board game are all wonderful treasures we will one day miss. Childhood can’t wait, motherhood can’t wait, and parenthood can’t wait. As for mental arithmetic, public speaking, computer class, and so on? Those can be phased in and introduced when the time is right.  

For the working parents

Let’s be real. Many working parents don’t have the luxury of unhurried evenings. Work hours, meetings, and commute time make it almost impossible to create extended play sessions at home.

Therefore, enrichment classes can be an absolute blessing, a good option to fill the gaps life creates, and provide a space for their children to learn, explore, and socialize with their peers. And that’s perfectly okay!

The key isn’t whether you enrol your child in a specific class, but why. IF you have to, choose classes that are meaningful for your kids and not just fill time.

Look for programmes that nurture creativity, build resilience, and allow room for wonder. When selecting, consider their interests first, and not just the “popular option” or “what the other kids are doing at that age.”

It’s important to observe your child’s energy level, for an overtired or overstimulated child will gain little and will also likely lose motivation or disengage regardless of the class. After all, learning happens best when those little brains (and bodies!) are feeling settled and loved (regulated and connected).    

For the stay-at-home parents

What to do? What else can I do? Parents who stay home often feel the opposite pressure. The temptation to add in more academic-focused activities as a way to prove that our kids aren’t missing out is real.

The truth is, children learn through living, not just through formal lessons. When you can, do hands-on play at home. It’s not as daunting and tiring as it seems.

Sometimes it’s as simple as having a few right tools within reach, a sprinkle of imagination, and the willingness to sit beside your child for twenty uninterrupted minutes.

Those small but consistent moments accumulate, building connection, confidence, and cognitive growth in ways that no worksheet ever could. 

We can level up our parenting experience by being intentional. This means that we can journal alongside our children, learn a new word together, create an exercise routine, or invite them to the kitchen for an experiment mixing colors and textures.

Baking becomes math. Gardening becomes science. Storytime becomes language development. Even boredom itself serves a profound purpose!

These experiences fill their minds and hearts. Most importantly, they fill ours too. We should really learn to shift our focus from “keeping our children busy” to “connecting meaningfully with them”.

Does anyone remember building epic blanket and pillow forts as a kid? Or spending hours digging for ‘treasures’ in the backyard and then keeping those precious items in Mommy’s empty butter cookies metal tin? That’s the magic.

At home, it could be a kitchen science experiment with baking soda and vinegar or coke and mentos, or turning old cardboard boxes into a spaceship. Why not start by drawing a family tree together? Then set aside some time for the little one to interview each family member (whether over a meal or catching up via a video call) to learn about their special talent, the origins of their nicknames, their favourite food, or talk about a cherished family heirloom. There’s no script to follow, just let their curiosity lead the way, and that, right there, is unstructured play at its best.   

No rules is the only rule!

You don’t have to do this alone

Sometimes, being intentional simply means stepping outside the house and finding your village. On that note, I once had the privilege of collaborating with Jules from Stories of Play to share about MagnaJoy™ (a colour-coded language kit) with her vibrant play community.

It was so refreshing to draw upon another parent’s creativity, encouragement, and ideas to fuel my own. So, if you’re at that juncture, wondering ways to nurture your child’s childhood, may I gently encourage you to find your community.

Be it a friendly neighbor, a chatty parent you see daily at the school pickup point, a like-minded colleague, or an online support group, there’s someone out there willing to walk alongside you and cheer you on in this long journey of parenting. 

If you don’t know where to start, IBU Coffee Mornings are a cozy space where kids meet their peers, and parents connect with others cruising the same season of life.

If you’re curious or want to join one, you can explore the upcoming sessions here: IBU Events Calendar (Klang Valley); IBU Events Calendar (Penang). Also, be sure to check out the exclusive member deals, big on resources that your family may be looking for. 

So, when does my child actually need an interest class?

When does it make sense to start? The answer isn’t a fixed age; it’s a careful observation of readiness cues. We can learn to look for these three things:

• Genuine curiosity - Do they ask to learn piano because they love music or because they saw a friend doing it or do they do it because you asked them to?

• Emotional maturity - Can they handle structured instruction without tears or burnout?

• Balance - Are they still getting enough free play, rest, and downtime?

Anything is possible in my world

If the class fuels their joy and fits your family’s rhythm, that’s great! If it adds stress, tension or even tears, it might be a sign to pause and recalibrate. My husband reminded me that, “Interest doesn’t expire. Children can pick up sports, a new language, music, or arts later and still excel.”

Thinking back, I absolutely dreaded my Mandarin lessons when I was forced to attend extra classes in order to cope with school expectations.

Now, with the academic pressure firmly off, I find myself getting fascinated by Chinese history and eagerly reading about it without being told to do so. I’ve started looking for accounts on social media known for their storytelling, and I think the consecutive days I’ve been logging into my language apps to learn Chinese history and vocabulary will make my parents proud now! Hahaha… What’s also cool is showing my daughter that Mommy is a lifelong learner.

When this becomes a family habit, it makes things easier when I share a new word with her or some interesting facts about the world, hoping that she would also be motivated to take ownership of her learning rather than just following the schedules I’ve set for her. 

Let’s prioritize joy

At the end of the day, our goal as parents isn’t to raise the most skilled children with the most outstanding resume; it’s to raise secure, joyful, and curious humans. When we prioritize presence over pressure, inquiry over competition, and play over perfection, we help our children build a love of learning that can last a lifetime. Sometimes, that may look like signing them up for a class. Other times, it can look like skipping one to stay home and simply read, draw, sing or dance. Both can nurture growth, but the difference lies in intention. 

Joy is often this goopy :)

Remember these 3Ps:

• Presence first: No enrichment can replace the bond of everyday parenting. 

• Play counts: A few thoughtful tools and an intentional invitation can open up a world of joyful learning.

• Phase wisely: Not everything has to happen early. We should choose classes based on readiness and interest, not fear of missing out.

When you’re in doubt, ask yourself this question: When our kids look back one day, will their fondest memories be of the certs displayed on the wall or of the times we sat beside them, laughing, chatting, and experiencing life together?

About the author:

Valerynne categorizes herself as a mom first, and then the co-founder of PivotPlay™ @pivotplay.co and an International Baccalaureate (IB) educator. She enjoys slow mornings, a good plate of Char Koay Teow, alternative rock, and the satisfaction of finishing a whole tub of ice cream alone. And yes, she’s still a firm believer that a good nap can fix almost anything. 🤭