Do you feel somewhat guilty when you go to work and leave your child with a nanny or at school, or have no time with them? If that is a yes, you are feeling MOM GUILT.
Mom guilt is something every mother feels, whether you are a new mom or not. Leaving the feeling unresolved can be very dangerous for moms since it can make you feel that you’re not doing enough for your child.
The first step is to acknowledge that the way you feel is perfectly normal and it doesn’t just happen to you alone.
1. Know if you made the wrong decision
Guilt is often felt if you made the wrong decision.
Did you leave your child for a business meeting without giving them a hug or kiss? If that's a yes, then you are feeling guilty for putting work first before your child. But, it’s up to you to say if your action was wrong.
Consider what your priority was at the time to determine whether your actions are justified.
Was the meeting crucial for your career or could you have spent a little time to hug your child?
Every parent must make their child a priority, but there will be times when your career should go first. If your actions would help you give your child a better future, you should not feel guilty.
2. Make the Anti-Mommy Guilt Creed
If you are feeling guilty because you had to leave your kids for work, make a guilt creed that is based on the reasons why you are working.
Ask yourself why you are working hard, why you chose to be a working mom and what achievements you have done.
When you feel your mommy guilt rising up, read your creed and let it drive you away from the feeling and reassure yourself.
3. Avoid people who bring up feelings of guilt
Did a friend or a colleague, or even a family member, say something to you that caused you to feel mommy guilt?
If that's a yes, set a boundary between you and that person or you can also voice out your opinion and make a stand. There are plenty of things in life for us moms to deal with, don’t let negative friends or their comments be one of them.
4. Think about the issue from another perspective
If you find yourself listening to a comment against your status as a working mom, remember that they are speaking from their own standpoint.
Every person's circumstances are different, every family is different and if they made a choice, respect their decision like you made your decision.
5. Take a break and spend it with your kids
If you find your mommy guilt too strong, get yourself a day off from work and bond with your child. Use this free time to reconnect with your child and get to know them better.
You should also spend this little break to reflect about your current situation as a working mom.
If you can't get a day off, you can fetch your child from daycare early so you can bond with them. You can also sort out a weekend free from errands or decline party invites.
Remember it’s the quality that counts, not the quantity.
6. Always remember that challenges are common
When you feel like everything is getting too much, we often think that it would be great if we didn't have to work.
But, even stay-at-home moms feel overwhelm and stress. They have different kind of challenges and hurdles to overcome.
Talk to someone about your day or share your problems with a fellow mom. You can share your thoughts on our ibu Family Facebook Page or join one of our playgroups or support groups to connect with other moms.
7. Accept that there are days you will miss out
Working moms have a very busy schedule and sometimes, your schedule might not allow you to be at every milestone your child goes through. It’s ok to feel sad about missing these milestones and think about the trade-offs you will get once you achieve your goal.
To help you move on from your mommy guilt, ask your child's caretaker to record the events for you. If you had your child join daycare, ask the daycare if they have a way to let parents see their child's activities.
You can also ask your spouse, relative or friends to record the event for you or attend in your behalf. Your child will definitely feel the love and when they record the event, you can watch it with your kid.
8. This arrangement is only temporary
Work will not always be as hectic as it is at the moment. Life can change in a blink of an eye and your children will start changing as well.
It is also possible that you get another job or your schedule becomes more flexible. Anything can happen so don't lose hope!
9. Don't let the pressure paralyze you
Pressure is common in work and once your employers see your capabilities, they will challenge you to do more.
Once you get home, pressure appears when you need to do chores on time and get the household together.
You are only human, you won't be able to do it on your own. Just do the best that you can and don't be afraid to ask for help. If you need advice in pursuing your career while juggling motherhood, reach out to Kally at her website www.MiddleMe.net.
P.s. Dirty dishes and laundry can wait...
10. There's nothing wrong with being a working woman
Being a working woman is a fulfilling experience and allows women to feel confident. There are things that you can experience being a working woman that you can't experience as a stay-at-home mom. Enjoy what you’re doing and make the most out of everything.
You’re setting a role model for your child as well. You can juggle both work and family at the same time. You believe in your dreams, you follow your own passion and you pursue at getting the best for your child.
You’re a supermom!