Pregnancy & Birth Stories

Breastfeeding Aliya an emotional bonding moment for Jen

interviewed by Cheong Wai Quan

Aliya* played quietly at a corner of the dining room that has glass façade, lending an air of spaciousness in room and bringing the beautifully landscaped garden into the house. As I approached her, the first thing that struck me was her beautiful eyes, as they seemed to speak to me. She smiled at me tentatively and ran to Mama. For Mama, Aliya is such a blessing and really brought much joy into her life. Jen Lo*, Aliya's adoptive mama, is as proud of her as any mother can be. And her proudest feat was successfully breastfeeding Aliya.

"I felt so happy and relieved," Jen said of the moment when her breasts started to produce enough milk for her to breastfeed Aliya.

"When I was breastfeeding Aliya, I felt so much love for her, just tonnes of love. I really bonded with Aliya and felt like she's my own baby as she drank my milk. I can also feel she (Aliya) has lots of love for me."

Jen, who is proficient in Bahasa Malaysia, English, Mandarin and Italian, gave up working as a regional director promoting European higher learning institutions to South East Asia to care for Aliya because she is such a precious blessing to her. Jen said she and her second husband have tried to conceive but with no success. Her maternal instinct was strong so Jen broached the idea of adopting with her husband who agreed to it.The search began ...

The Search ...an emotional journey

Jen was informed an Indonesian mother was prepared to give up her baby for adoption when the baby was due in December so Jen drove to meet her.

"I found her a place to live while she carried on with her pregnancy," Jen recalled. "I also found her a doctor to care for her during pregnancy in November, approximate 2 months before the baby was due." However,it was not meant to be as the mother decided to keep the baby. Her heart was shattered. Jen had emotionally prepared for the moment and the baby was not hers in the end.

All were not in vain though as her angel in disguise was the doctor she found to care for the Indonesian mother. Knowing her desire to adopt, the doctor said he would inform her of any child available for adoption.

"On February 14, I was driving when I got call from the doctor, who said a mother was due to deliver in two hours and do I want the baby or not?“ Jen said ”The doctor said I must go to Seremban* to pick up the baby, as the mother - an educated and articulate local woman - had decided to give the baby up for adoption.

"I wanted to go directly the same day to pick up baby, but doctor asked me to wait till the next day so he could observe the baby's health first. That night, I prayed to god so that the mother would not change her mind and I would be able to adopt her baby. After my meeting in the office the next day,I rushed to the hospital and picked up my baby.”

Jen's cousin who was visiting with her husband accompanied Jen to Seremban. On the way, her cousin asked, "Jen, do you have formula milk, do you have diapers, baby clothes!" At that moment, Jen thought, "Oh my god,what should I do?"

It was all too surreal for Jen because although she had months to prepare bringing her adoptive child home, she was not prepared for how quickly things would happen when it did.

February 15 was a momentous day as Aliya joined mama and papa at home. When asked how she felt, Jen said, "I was feeling like I went shopping and brought home a doll except that when she was home,she was moving and crying and was not like a doll at all."

Breastfeeding Aliya

Having prepared all the necessary items for a baby, Jen wasted no time in getting down to the most important task of all ...breastfeeding Aliya!

That's right ...breastfeeding an adopted child! Jen said Dr. Koe was encouraging and was patient when going through the procedure with her to speed up milk production. "The doctor encouraged Aliya to suckle my breast even though she was on formula as the milk was fed through a tube taped to my breast," Jen explained. "In one week, the milk came and of course,with the help of the drug called DOMPERIDON which is safe for the baby.

"By the second week, my milk production was fully developed and I felt tired as all the hormones were working to help me produce milk. I felt hungry constantly and had to ask friends to bring home-cooked food to me." Although Jen is already a mother to her 18-year-old son (from her first marriage) who now lives and studies in the United States, she admitted visiting Dr.Koe to learn about breastfeeding was awkward and uncomfortable.

"When I first went to see Dr Koe,she had to touch my breasts,feel them and coach me on what to do," Jen revealed. "Although she was a nice doctor, I felt uncomfortable being touched. For someone who has no experience breastfeeding, it can be very embarrassing."

However,the actual breastfeeding was no awkward process as according to Jen, Aliya could suckle well. And she did for two full months. "I breastfed Aliya until she had her two lower teeth and she began biting me," Jen said, "It was so painful when she bit me so I had to stop. However, I believe we really bonded during the breastfeeding sessions and I felt like I've done my part. Aliya only wanted me and not just anybody even after we stopped the breastfeeding."

Jen said she has been mentally and emotionally ready for Aliya and wants to give her the best as she has been "given the trust to care for a child and should fulfil that trust. Throughout the interview, Aliya who had a late breakfast at 10-ish in the morning, joined her mama and me in the living room, which looks out into beautiful koi ponds and luscious greenery. She became friendly after looking at pictures of Mei Yi and Yu-Wen (my two precious angels)and sat with me fiddling with my camera and parading in mama's stilettos. Soon tired of her modelling,she went off to "read" her Human Anatomy book ...her favourite book, according to mama who dreams of her becoming a doctor one day!

Jen said,"My mother-in-law told me,'Aliya is so precious. You've hit a lottery and you didn't even play.'" For Jen, her mother-in-law's words of wisdom ring so true. Aliya is truly her gift from God!

*Names and town have been changed to protect their privacy

About the doctor who helped Jen breastfed Aliya:
Dr.S.L.Koe
Koe Child Clinic
73 Jalan Mega Mendung
5th Mile Jalan Klang Lama
58000 Kuala Lumpur
Tel:03 7983 0539

Dr.Koe works with adoptive mothers by going through a 3-step process to breastfeed successfully. She believes having enough information can help adoptive mothers breastfeed successfully, prevent breastfeeding problems and breastfeed completely for 6 months.

[Disclaimer: These series of articles are based solely upon ibu members’ individual experiences of giving birth in Malaysia. They are not intended as an endorsement or recommendation by ibu of any hospital, obstetrician or paediatrician, or in any way guarantee that other experiences will be similar.]